Meditations for Mortals - week one, day four

Meditations for Mortals (by Oliver Burkeman): A 4 week/28 day series with dailyish posts about the book
Week one - facing the facts of finitude

DAY FOUR
Against productivity debt
On the power of a ‘done list’

On day four, Burkeman talks about being an “insecure overachiever.” (I admit I’m one, too!)
It’s a label for those of us whose accomplishments are often driven by feelings of inadequacy. You feel as though you have earned your right to exist only if you attain a certain level of education, income, or other self-imposed arrival point.

I’m definitely guilty of chasing my own sense of potential — it motivates me, and I do value how it “eggs” me on in my life. But Burkeman warns that this can come at a cost:

“You’ll never get to rest, because how can you ever be sure there’s not a little more potential left to realize?”

I hear him, and I definitely am driven by the idea of realizing my own potential, “maximizing” who I am, trying to live up to some imagined possibility. A balance is needed — but the balance for sure is one I struggle with and so I welcome the reminder to have space to reflect on it.

Burkeman talks about the idea of not yet belonging to the world, trying to earn back the right to belong. That’s not a great way to live, and I suppose I might feel this a little bit? I know not finishing a doctorate has been a sore spot, or losing a job a few years ago that really tore into my sense of self (I’ve never lost a job and still feel it’s an injustice…). However I do believe this “failure” has pushed me in positive ways — more courage and feeling a little more scrappy for sure.

Burkeman’s words are of solace:

“But who could ever decide we don’t belong? The obvious truth is we already do…Look around: this is reality. It consists of a whole lot of atoms, a few of which constitute you. What could it even mean to say you don’t belong?”

One practical suggestion of Burkeman’s in this chapter to help those of us with issues of over-doing is to consider a ‘done list’ —a list of the things you’ve completed so far today (or whatever range of time you prefer). It can be as simple as a to-list with crossed-off items, as a reminder of all you’ve done. Personally I love using Google Calendar to log my tasks or events. When something’s done, I delete it. A cleared calendar is my version of a ‘done list.’ This visual sense of progress is satisfying to me.

The goal of this chapter is to accept who we are rather than racing towards some invisible finish line. Burkeman offers that being an insecure overachiever can shift for us when we realize:

“Actions don’t have to be things that we grind out, day after day, in order to inch ever closer to some elusive state of finally getting to qualify as adequate humans. Instead, he adds, they can just be enjoyable expressions of the fact that that’s what we already are.”

Thoughts?
Are you an insecure overachiever? How do you manage it?
Do you keep a to-do list or a ‘done list?’
What makes you feel like you don’t belong?
What can you do to accept yourself fully right now?