Meditations for Mortals - week one, day three
Meditations for Mortals (by Oliver Burkeman): A 4 week/28 day series with dailyish posts about the book
Week one - facing the facts of finitude
DAY THREE
You need only face the consequences
On paying the price
On day three, the chapter begins with a quote that really resonates with me:
"You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.”
- Sheldon B. Kopp, psychotherapist
This down-to-earth point, Burkeman explains, shows that as finite humans, we’re always choosing one set of problems over another. It’s all a matter of trade-offs. He continues,
“There’ll always be an upside and a price to pay. The question isn’t how to avoid any bad consequences or what’s the perfect decision; it’s what is the price you’re willing to pay.” - Oliver Burkeman
For example, when we spend time with a friend, our partner, or our kids, we might forego some practice-time, or responding to an email. We are nuturing relationships with people we care about, but we might actually need to actually practice or reply to an email. The consequences of not practicing enough or letting an email go too long may have their own downsides. But we’re making a choice — to spend our time, our finite time, in a way that aligns with our values. We just need to be aware of what those consequence might be.
“Consequences aren’t optional. It’s in the nature of being finite that every choice comes with some sort of consequences, because at any instant, you can only pick one path, and must deal with the repercussions of not picking any of the others.” - Oliver Burkeman
This morning, I sat with this idea as I looked over my to-do list. I realized that by consciously examining the trade-offs, I actually felt better — maybe even more agency — in what I was choosing to do. “Okay, I have to clean the hummingbird feeders again,” I thought, as I noticed ants had overtaken one. Then I considered: If I don’t clean them, what are the consequences? Well, I put my favorite bird in the universe at risk — and I miss out on the joy of seeing them. Not a big life decision, sure, but it helped me to feel like what I “had” to do was less of a chore and more of a choice.
Recently, we faced a big life decision and decided — for now —not to go ahead with it. The consequences of going forward would have been a bigger mortgage, losing my income, and restarting a lot of my networking and connections I’ve worked hard to rebuild. On the flip side, the potential benefits included new opportunities, life in a new city, and year-round good weather. Sitting with both sides —the trade-offs — heped clarify the decision. It made it feel less like avoidance and more like agency.
Burkeman says:
“Whatever choice you make, so long as you make it in the spirit of facing the consequences, the result will be freedom in the only sense that finite humans ever get to enjoy it. Not freedom from limitation, which is something we unfortunately never get to experience, but freedom in limitation. Freedom to examine the trade-offs — because there will always be trade-offs — and then to opt for whichever trade-off you like.”
Thoughts?
Are there decisions that you’re unsure about right now?
What are the trade-offs?
By examining them, do you feel more ease in your decision-making process?
