Meditations for Mortals - week two, day twelve
Meditations for Mortals (by Oliver Burkeman): A 4 week/28 day series with dailyish posts about the book
Week two - taking action
DAY TWELVE
Rules that serve life
On doing things dailyish
On day twelve, Burkeman talks about doing things dailyish. I absolutely love this. The idea is that trying to do something daily doesn’t really accept the unpredictability of our lives — or the rollercoaster nature of our moods. Doing something dailyish, Burkeman says, is:
A much more resilient rule: it’s less of a high-wire act, where one mistake could end everything.
He goes on:
Something about "dailyish" shifts the focus away from your particular smorgasbord of psychological problems back to the thing itself – to the creation you're seeking to bring into existence, whether that's a piece of writing or work of art, a happy family, healthier body, meditation habit, or anything else. It's a reminder that in some fundamental way, real productivity – provided you're working on something worth producing to begin with – isn't about you. It's about what's being produced.
The past few days have been a little rough for me — I got my first dose of the shingles vaccine: feverish, achy, exhausted. A friend reminded me “it’s much better than actually getting shingles,” which she had recently studied in a microbiology class.
My new habit — writing reflections on Burkeman’s book— is only doable if I allow myself to do it dailyish. Otherwise I’m putting unnecessary pressure. (I really was not up to writing posts these past few days).
It’s not that I don’t want to do the work or embrace the new habit; it’s just that I think this mindset is more realistic. So far, this experience of writing dailyish posts has been joyful. Distilling and reflecting on each chapter has helped me to get more out of the book. I hope it’s been helpful for anyone reading these posts as well.
I do think sometimes we need to give some space — whether we’re sick, a family member needs us, a pet isn’t doing well, or a friend needs to talk. Whatever it is, the idea of a new habit being dailyish means it’s more likely to be met with joy. Writing these posts is really important to me — but so are other things.
Today I read about Andrea Gibson, a poet I hadn’t known about until now. I’ve been learning about their life and work in the New York Times. The idea of “trying softer” resonates with me as I write this post:
I know most people try hard
to do good and find out too late
they should have tried softer.
– Andrea Gibson, You Better Be Lightning
In a guest opinion piece, writer Amber Tamblyn shares:
Andrea had a unique ability to offer their readers and listeners a way of living, to show us how much we need tenderness, and how to be tender as a radical act…asking us to do what might feel impossible right now: Soften toward, not away from, one another, even at such a heightened time of vitriol and hate.
It was written by a poet who lived their brief life with a consciousness of something bigger than themselves — a collective belief, whether we are aware of it or not, that all of us long to feel less alone.
This resonates with me as I write this post today. Being dailyish seems a way to be a little softer.
Burkeman adds:
So, yes, holding yourself to a more flexible standard, such as "dailyish,” is more forgiving than the alternative. But it's not solely a matter of being kinder to yourself. Crucially, it's also about getting you – with all your weird hang-ups and neuroses and ulterior agendas and other psychological nonsense – out of accomplishment's way.
He begins the chapter with a rule from St. Benedict:
We read that monks should not drink wine at all, but since the monks of our day cannot be convinced of this, let us agree to drink moderately, and not to the point of excess.
This model of moderation helps us, Burkeman says, to:
Elegantly balance the need for order with the need for individual freedom…and, like many of the rest of us, enjoy a drink from time to time.
Thoughts:
What do you think about doing a habit “dailyish?”
